Control · Freedom · Heart Check · Life

Perfectly Imperfect

In my life I have always felt this pressure to be perfect; to not mess up no exceptions. But the truth is, even my “perfect” is imperfect. But I don’t want anyone to know that. I put all this pressure on myself thinking I need to have it all together and I need to be perfect to be loved, have friends, be wanted, and to be successful; but I crumble every time. Raise your hand if you feel the same way.

So I do what it takes to look perfect from the outside, to be glossy and all put together. I have done this with my body image but currently I see it in the way I dress. My outfit has to match whether it’s athletic wear and all the brands have to match (yes I really do this) or the colors from my shoes to my hair scrunchy have to flow perfectly. You know that saying look good feel good? Well with me it’s have everything match perfectly or your day is ruined. I know this sounds extreme, and it is, but I use this as a way to seem like I have my life together; to seem perfect. But this actually reveals the opposite, It reveals I’m broken and I’m trying to fill the cracks with the wrong things.

This all dawned on me when I was putting on my lazy Sunday clothes after church this weekend. It should have only taken me 2 minutes to change. But then disaster struck: I couldn’t find a specific sports bra to match with my outfit. It’s not like you could even see the sports bra with the shirt I had on either! But I panicked around my room searching for it but it was nowhere to be found. So I put on one that didn’t match and I felt like a failure all from an un-matching sports bra. What. Is. Wrong. With. Me. Then it hit me: God doesn’t call me to be perfect. He isn’t calling me to have my life based off this fake appearance. He calls me to freedom.

I don’t have to be perfect or appear to be perfect because the Perfect One died for me. Jesus covers me with his sinless, perfect love and mercy. If I was perfect, I wouldn’t need Jesus. And trust me, I desperately need Jesus; feeling inadequate because of a sports bra that doesn’t match is evidence of that. Maybe you are struggling with some form of perfectionism in your life too, whether you just realized it or have known for sometime. Instead of pursuing perfection, pursue Jesus. Allow him to fill in those cracks with his perfect love, and don’t forget that it’s okay to mess up. That just means there’s more room to grow and more room for Jesus in our lives.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness… That is why for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insulfs, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulites. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Cornithians 12:9-11

Heavenly Father, I praise you for making me in your perfect image. I praise you for your mercy and your grace shown to me through your perfect son Jesus. Allow me to live in the freedom you have given me through him. I hand over this need to be perfect to you, I give you control of my life. Show me how to live and love more like you, Jesus. Whatever cracks are in my heart I invite you to fill them. I desperately need you, Jesus. In his mighty and powerful name I pray. Amen.

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