Have you ever felt so lonely, like no one in the world is there for you. You just want someone to notice you so badly; you want any sort of comfort or sign just to know you are not alone. I use to go to church by myself. I would look around and everyone would be cheerful with their family and friends and there I was, alone. I would look to my right and left to see if there was a familiar face; there was none. I remember one specific day, the last day I ever felt this way. It was the first day of National Eating Disorder Awareness week and I felt like the only person in the world that was suffering from this mental illness. I was so sick of no one understand the thoughts in my head and the fears that had once consumed me. I was sitting at church, alone, and I felt judging eyes starring at me (they really weren’t but I was convinced in my head.) I was fiddling with my phone until service finally started,you know that feeling you want to seem like you’re doing something?
Music started to play and the stage lit up. You see every few weeks our church changes the color scheme in the lights. This particular Sunday, it was blue and green. The colors that were chosen to represent eating disorder awareness. The colors that represent hope and self love to the ones who so very often don’t show self love to themselves. Tears were flowing down my face as everything came into perspective:
God is right here with me. Comforting me, supporting me, and so proud of the recovery progress I had made over the past year.
In a world that makes us feel so alone, God wants us to know He is there and He is for us. He feels the pain we feel, He weeps with us (John 11:35), He knows exactly what we are going through and wants to walk with us through it; we just have to allow Him to.
In your pain and loneliness, cast your eyes up to the one who holds it all. Realize that you are not alone in your struggle. God is unstoppable and can overcome anything; including your eating disorder, your addiction, your habit of lying. ANYTHING. All you have to do, is lay it at the feet of the cross.
Lord, in my loneliness show me you are here. Open my eyes to see your love is right in front of me. Comfort me through this suffering and pain I am going through and change my heart so I hand it all over to you. I need you and I can’t do this alone. Thank you for showing me your love in the moments I need it most. You’re a good, good Father. Amen