Beauty · Freedom · Heart Check

What Are You Leaning On?

This past January, I was able to go on a trip of a lifetime to Israel. One of the stops we took was to the Dead Sea – a body of water with such high salinity (saltiness) that you end up floating almost effortlessly. Why I say almost effortlessly is because you have to make the choice to lean all the way back to be floating on top of the water, not just in it. When you first sit down in the water you are covered all in you lap

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My best friend and travel mate Abbey and I floating in the Dead Sea.

You had to choose to lean all the way back, trusting you would be lifted up, in order to float on the water (not in it.) Choosing to lean back is an act of faith, the same goes with our walk with Jesus. We have to choose to lean back and fully trust him! We have to hand over whatever is keeping us from God and trust that He has something better in store for us, which isn’t an easy process.

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Floating on the water of the Dead Sea with the mountains of Jordan in the background.

The day I gave God control of my eating disorder was when I started this journey of allowing Him to carry me. It started with me verbally saying “I am done with this, I know I don’t have control over this, and I can’t do this on my own; Lord, I give it over to you.” You have to have a willing heart. If you feel you are still attached to it and reluctant to give it to Him, pray for God to change your heart, to bring you to the point where you want to hand it over. I pray that you don’t have a near death experience to bring you to that desperate place like I did.

Even after I begged God to take this hate for my body and fear of food away from me, I had to make the choice to continue to give it to Him every day. When you fear something (food and getting fat) to the point you want to die, it isn’t an easy thing to get over. It’s not something you can just cannonball into. You have to slowly put your foot in the water, handing one thing over to God at a time. The more time I spent with the Lord, in prayer and reading His Word, the less I thought about my body or food. I started to lean more and more on the Lord, I was fearful of going back to the harmful mindset I lived in for 4 years. My thoughts changed and after 8 intense months of rehab, I noticed I didn’t have anxiety after eating out 3 times in a week. I didn’t feel like a complete failure because I had fat on my stomach. I was being held up by God and His view of me, not how the world sees me.

This is where I found my freedom and you can too. Not just from an eating disorder, but anything that has a hold on your life that is keeping you from walking with the Lord. So I challenge you, make that decision to lean full into God’s arms, I promise He will be there to hold you and lift you up.

If you or a loved one suffer from an eating disorder check out NEDA to get help and learn more about this deadly mental illness.

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