For years, I always ended up with the wrong guy. I would throw myself at guys basing my feelings only on their looks and if they were an athlete. I truly believe some had real feelings for me, but looking back I could sense them being hesitant and under the curse of FOMO (fear of missing out.) I was never treasured or valued by these guys I was interested. When I started to regularly attend church, I started to notice how our pastors and leaders talked about their wives. I yearned for that type of guy in my life, one that I knew would value me but still put God first. And then it dawned on me, I have never reflected on what type of guy I want to marry. How am I suppose to know the guy I should be with if I’m willing to date whoever? I’m sure I’m not the only one who has struggled with this.

I sat down at my desk with pen in hand and started writing this revolutionary list: My Non-Negotiable List. The items on this list have nothing to do with outward appearance but has everything to do with the heart of the man I want to spend my life with. This was a reality check in how shallow I really was! After months of praying for the Lord to take away my shallowness I finally was able to compile a list (that’s right I couldn’t make a list immediately!) I cannot emphasis enough how this list has changed my dating life.

There are a lot of great guys out there, but just because they are great doesn’t mean they will be great for you. Here are a few things I’ve learned from making this list:

  1. My focus and desire to find the right guy has shifted. Knowing exactly what I  need in a guy has provided me the opportunity to grow my trust in the Lord.
  2. You value yourself more. Not in a way of “I’m better than you” but in a sense of knowing how valuable you are in God’s eyes and that God has sculpted a man specifically for you that will value you just as God does.
  3. It’s not the end of the world if I’m single for the rest of my life. If I never find a man who fills these Non-Negotiable’s, it won’t be the end of the world. The things I have listed are centered around me growing and walking with Christ; I will not allow a man to hinder my relationship with Jesus anymore.

I was a little skeptical in sharing this, but God has used it to radically change my life this Fall and I know I need to share it. My challenge to you is to sit down and truly evaluate what you are looking for in a man (guys you can do this for women too!) Laminate it, post it on your wall, keep it somewhere you will see it so you are reminded what you deserve.

**Another tip: Do not share this list with the opposite sex. People tend to change themselves into what they think that person wants and people can only act for so long. I’ll be writing on seeing someone’s true character next week don’t worry 🙂


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